Reflections of the Past

Welcome to my blog! The whole blogging arena is new to me but I thought what better way to share my journey than to blog about it. I would like to give you some history of how I became so passionate about health and wellness so here we go...

For so long I lived uncomfortable in my own skin. This dates back to junior high school. I can remember being envious of the other girls who had flat stomachs, who were able to attract all the guys, who could wear clothes that I couldn’t even think about with my body type. From then into my adulthood, I would look in the mirror and hate the person reflecting back at me. I didn’t dislike my internal self because I knew at the core of me, I was a great person but I hated the physical appearance of the person staring back at me. I was never content with the way my clothes were fitting. The spare tire ruled my life. Little did I know that all of this would impact all other areas of my life.

In college I was never confident or felt pretty enough to pursue any of the handsome fraternity guys. I was intimated at the thought of even starting conversation, never mind romantically pursuing. So to play it safe I became a friend to all the guys. I was the fun girl who liked to party. I drank my way through college to feel comfortable with my physical appearance. Alcohol was a way for me to have confidence and the courage to be me with little to no insecurities. After college, I continued with this destructive lifestyle with no desire or knowledge of how to change to make myself feel good, feel good without the assistance of alcohol.

Due to a lack of self-confidence, I attracted just that. I dated all the wrong guys; the heroin addict, the father-of-two “divorcee” who lied about his life, the insecure guy who had a terrible childhood and would project all his issues on to me. I began to live in a world of destruction and had no idea. I couldn’t understand why I always wanted to “save” these guys. Now that I look back on it, the only person I needed to save was myself.

From as far back as I can remember I’ve always been the “heavier” girl in my group of friends. I can remember thinking, I wish I was as thin as this person or I wish I could wear clothes like that person. I became very self-conscious of my body. In 2006 I hit the scales at my heaviest weight of approximately 170 lbs. I say approximately because I used the oldest scale available (the non digital kind that you set to zero yourself) hoping that it would somehow mask the truth of how far I let myself go.

In 2007, I was left behind by the "divorcee" only to find myself at the heaviest I can remember. For some reason or another, I believed that I was happy during those days. I never realized how overweight I became. It wasn't until I was alone that I decided it was time to focus on myself and find my place of comfort. I started tracking my food with CalorieKing and exercising regularly for the first time in my life. I felt good. I started to lose some weight and feel good about myself. I was down to about 144 lbs. Just as my life was about to take a turn, I met a guy that opened my eyes to a world of hurt I never thought I would understand.

After an extremely abusive relationship came to an end in 2010, I decided it was time to commit to myself. Figure out me. Why was I attracted to and attracting all the wrong people? Why couldn’t I identify all the red flags that everyone else saw? How could I learn to love myself and be truly happy? This was the turning point in my life. I was dedicated to myself for the first time ever. It wasn’t about pleasing anyone but me. I didn’t need to save anyone but me. Step one was to start exercising again. I needed to feel strength both physically and mentally. At this time Insanity was always playing on the tv. This was the perfect way for me to focus on getting healthy. I ordered Insanity and told myself I could do 60 days and I even tried to challenge my family in a contest of who could lose the most weight in 60 days. I began the program only to realize that this was not the right program for me considering I was recovering from a broken hand. I had no idea how much plank work was involved in this fitness program. I tried to modify and continue on only to end up giving up just like I had every other time. I gave up on myself because I was discouraged and didn't believe I could do it.

Exercising was not in the cards for me at this time so I decided to focus on food instead. I joined Weight Watchers and really devoted myself to losing weight. Around this time I started getting chatty with my current boyfriend, John. Unbeknown to me, I would find a best friend and the love of my life. We took things very slow and let our relationship flourish from a distance (and when I say distance I mean Quincy to Brighton – haha). He was everything I had always dreamed about but could never find. I can remember thinking “If it seems too good to be true, then it probably is.” Or at some point he will turnout crazy just like all the others I let into my heart. For the first time in my life, I was starting to feel a balance. I felt good health wise because I was losing weight. I felt good romantically because I was dating the nicest guy I had ever met. It was so easy, it scared me. I can remember singing in the car feeling my inner diva surface. And my smile, it was a perma-grin for the whole world to see. I felt happiness like it was tangible. It changed my life, literally.

Over the last couple years, I have stayed at the same weight of about 140 lbs and exercised on and off. On December 31st, I decided to take my life back and prove to myself that I can do anything I put my mind to. I was going to start a workout program and I was going to complete all 90 days. I was so determined that I even started day 1 on NYE because it was a Monday and I am a creature of habit. Who starts a workout program on a Tuesday? I decided it was time for me to leave the excuses at the door and get fit. I bought Jillian Michaels 'Body Revolution and I completed all 90 days. It was the first time I felt proud for completing something.

February 2013, I became a coach for Beachbody. Now if you are not familiar with Beachbody, they are the creators of the popular at home fitness programs such as P90X, Insanity, Turbro Fire and many more as well as the all natural meal replacement Shakeology known as the healthiest meal of the day. Coaching has been one of the most fulfilling things I have ever done. I love to help people and what better way than to help others get fit and healthy. I will blog more about my coaching experience so stay tuned for that.

Today I currently weigh 132 lbs and am working towards a goal of 120 lbs. I'm much happier and healthier than I can ever remember. Being healthy for me has been a physical, mental, and emotional makeover. How can I not want to share what has worked for me, what hasn't and how I can help others to feel how I feel today... amazing!! I'm very passionate about health and nutrition. It drives me day to day to be the best I can be. It motivates me to want to help others. It has shaped how I want to continue to live my life.

Thanks for reading. I appreciate your support and kindness. Until the next time, stay healthy and continue pressing play :) xo